finding-my-bliss

The checkout girl uttered in a soft sweet voice almost as an afterthought as I was leaving "happy new year", I think she knew I needed to hear that! Her tinkling voice sounded like I would imagine an angel's voice sounds. Immediately the pain rose all the way from my gullet right up into my head now awash with tears. I could not hold back the avalanche any longer, it took just one kind word from a stranger for the release to start, all the pent-up emotion of the last few days, weeks, year.......... she'll never know how touched and thankful I was to hear that little affirmation of human kindness! The year seems to be ending on a dark note the same as it started.  I have been very ill over Christmas and the weeks before I have not felt too well.  Party plans had to be aborted, spending time with my son and family all had to be postponed, added to that we have also been under flood threat due to the increased rainfall, so our furniture was raised off of t...

My love and I recently had a conversation about re-cycling, he is very knowledgeable on these subjects you know, he takes great delight in explaining the details in depth to me which I very often forget, I simply have not got the capacity for it ;~) On this one occasion though it has penetrated very deeply! He explained how some types of garbage cannot be re-cycled but must go to land-fill, I sighed "oh dear", He said "but what they do is this, they layer up the garbage with other composites then insert pipes through the layers in-order to tap off the methane gas to be used for other purposes". This connected on more than one level for me, I recently read these words but am not sure where so don't know who to credit - (please forgive me)  'Let your pain become rocket fuel for Love'! If we could harness our pain, emotional and physical - re-cycling it into love how powerful this would be. I have had a good dose of bo...

My heart weeps before the sun for the mothers who will be finding ordinary wash days now filled with pain, longing to see a vest or a dress blowing in the wind, instead empty hands and heavy hearts become weighted down with the nothingness. I pray there will come a healing in its own due course for the mothers, the fathers, the brothers and the sisters.  May all who have been touched by such an unthinkable thing, find comfort. In sympathy with my sisters over the ocean. Linking with ~ Recuerda mi Corazon  

My first encounter with Mary was quite a while ago now, I must have been about five or six years old at the time, it was in the little country church of my home where my ancestors lay in the grounds outside. I don't remember all of the details but what I do remember vividly was the feeling I had when I saw the angels with their incredible wings, I so wanted a pair of those wings, I wanted to fly! Instead they wrapped a blue cloth around my head and stood me next to Donald Burton! I think, but am not sure, that I had learnt some words to say to Donald! The thing I was most sure about though was the feeling I had when they took the baby doll off of me! At the time I couldn't have cared less about the 'Starring Role' I was chosen to perform at All Saint's Church nave, before my parents, teachers, vicar and community, but the indignity of being given a baby doll then taking it off of me was too much, let alone ...

Sometimes connections come spontaneously..... The inspiration is here with me today.... I'm flying after what feels like an eternity of being grounded.... My one constant dream is that I can fly, the feeling is fabulous,  I find myself being transported off the earth,  sometimes with a downward movement of the hands and arms  somewhat like a bird flapping the wings, but I am pushing against gravity and magically propelling myself upwards  where ~ I am among the clouds flying over land masses at speed!  I'm wondering why everyone doesn't join me, it is so natural... Her drawer remains the same, untouched  personal items,  underwear, socks ,  a bottle of perfume tucked away  so as not to clutter the shared dressing table.  "I'll leave them" she says " just in case I come back", I think what she meant was, she may return to the former days, ones we want to leave behind!  The unspeakable days, should we have...

These gentle moments, nestled with the ones I love, in Mary's embrace. Virgin a Day Linking with Haiku my Heart Recuerda mi Corazon  

What am I going to do with this one beautiful day? It's yoga day, and yes yoga calls, but something is calling me louder! I have been having sleepless nights lately, health issues are causing me distress, me and the doc are sorting this! Meanwhile I have vowed to use the moments between the discomfort to 'revel in' as Susan Jeffers puts it "those exquisite moments"! This morning I have a yearning to share: Sometimes when I wake in the night I see this enormous star dangling in the blackness, it is so bright and beautiful my heart fills from its radiance, then as I look further into the sky and see hundreds of star jewels it reminds me they are like the multitude of exquisite moments in our lives. As with the blackness of a clear night sky, in life's ''dark night' somehow the jewels sparkle that much brighter, are more precious.  In making my vow to become more aware of these jewel like exquisite moments, I have observed somet...

Today I'm taking a little me time, doing what I love to do, just digital doodling. My mind has been on dolls, motherhood, Mary and the coming season. Recently an acquaintance posted about  ' Rag Doll ',  this is me at the moment, I feel a bit like a rag doll, the stuffing has been knocked out a little. So I'm taking time to just be, to gather myself, to see where I can patch things up a bit, maybe a dash of rouge will do the trick!  I'm giving myself some 'Mary mother love'. I'm sending back my thanks via Virgin a Day Recuerda mi Corazon I once had a sweet little doll, dears, The prettiest doll in the world; Her cheeks were so red and so white; dears, And her hair was so charmingly curled. But I lost my poor little doll, dears, As I played in the heath one day; And I cried for her more than a week, dears; But I never could find where she lay. I found my poor ...

Let go of struggling resolve to find clarity  flee from one's own head   Though I was a keen knitter years ago  I couldn't master this loopy stitch pattern this week, instead I was turning loopy myself!  It had a strangle hold over me. For two hours or so I determined to  think it through,  struggling the technique formula, finally failing dismally  I pulled the whole lot off the needles in frustration!  I went away, left the struggle,  but a curious thing then happened as I stood with a quiet mind  clarity and resolution  appeared , fully formed! Much the same as struggling with anything in life I find getting out of one's own head  allows for clarity!   They call it 'minding the gap'. Linking with Haiku my Heart Recuerda mi Corazon

For what I received I am most truly grateful Haiku Forever! Checking back I realise it is now over two years since I posted my first haiku. It has been a wonderful journey, one that has brought richness and wonder to my Fridays. Meeting new creative minded individuals has been a  blessing for which I am Truly Thankful. Also grateful to the inspirational Rebecca who lovingly provides a place for us to gather. xxx                                                                                                                                     Quote from Rumi  Linking with Haiku my Heart Recuerda mi Corazon ...

I am a tree which stands by the path you tread. If you can learn something from me stay awhile, I cannot take you my way because my roots are in my own piece of ground, and my branches reach up to my own personal sky. If you wish to lean against me for some time and warm in the sun which filters through my leaves, then share my stillness and become one with me. Don't stay too long or part of yourself will become lost within me. Do not take one of my branches to use as a prop, for even I am unaware of which are strong or weak. In looking at me, reflect in what you didn't know and make it your own truth. I will not impede the path you tread but I hope I have helped to make your journey worthwhile. ~ Barbara Griggs Pondering ~>  This poem was quoted during yoga practice last week, to me it speaks very loudly.  In reviewing my life's paths, I have chanced upon various tree-like individuals and organisation that have gifted me in many way...

Seems strange that on the week I decided at last to re-glue 'My Book of Belief', posted about here   'Coming Unstuck' That the person who inspired me to make this book passed away. It also seems strange that I should at the same time be reading another of her motivational books 'End the Struggle and Dance with Life. There have been many women who have inspired me here on-line and in book-form, Susan Jeffers being one. She is renowned world-wide for the up-beat way she deals with life's emotional struggles, bringing bite-size chunks of practical wisdom to the fore. One reason why her work appeals to me is that from what I read she did not pretend to 'know' or speculate about the big questions in life such as 'where we came from', 'why we are here', or 'where we will go', in-fact like me, she took refuge and rest in the 'don't know' but at the same time enthused about the Grand-Design of it all. Su...

A river flowed through me today, I noticed it as sun's shimmer danced on fragments of autumn, threads, just hanging, dangling, waiting to be noticed enticing me to play. Feeling the pull of the river, the flow, I stayed for a while until light faded. Meanwhile a restful haze surfaced revealing subtle creations of the mind, only detected by those who allow the river to flow. Linking with that Joyous Movement over at ~> Meri's Musings

One of those Mondays, things lined up.......... I had planned for yoga and a long overdue groom for the fur-boys, but I was stuck.......... something was gluing me to a place of stillness, I've experienced this 'stuck-feeling' before, I've learned to take notice of this feeling and the message its sending to me, to listen to that small voice from within, the one that knows the core of me, that sometimes I need to just be. It has been a day of noticing subtlety, gentleness, I needed this too, to be gentle with myself. I have learned over the years that I suffer from stimulation over-load and that I need to defuse this situation. I've learned that when everything is gearing you up to say 'Yes to the Universe' just sometimes you have to say No, not at the moment! Have you found this yourself, days when everything seems too loud, too brash, too stressful?  You want to switch the world off!  The more I move with gentle souls both here on-li...

Rain is part of life, being able to spontaneously dance between the storms or showers is not always easy, it can't always be choreographed. Last night I was thrilled to experience 'Tango Motion' at my home town venue The Winding Wheel.  It was a a red-hot affair featuring two of the world's leading Tango dancers plus musicians Tango Siempre with Argentinean singer Guillermo Rozenthuler!  The passion arousing moves from the Buenos Aires traditional through to Nuevo Tango made a powerful impact on me. The history of the dance was revealed through movement, music and narrative.  Although the choreographed sequences were beautifully executed I was utterly smitten by the improvised or unrehearsed performance, where the female's role is to anticipate the male's lead.  The narrator explained this to be the pinnacle of Tango which relied upon years of practice by the dancers. The female being very sensitive to the male's ev...

The weather man had predicted chilly for higher ground, as we made our way over the moors an auspicious sky developed setting a moody tone for the weekend to come............ How I love the wild winds and changeable skies as they cast their shadows over the dying bracken moors. By the time we got to Horcum Hole the sky's drama had unleashed rain, hail and snow over Celeste, (our campervan), perfect for a Gothic Whitby Week.   Get the flavour here . We set up camp on the clifftop relaxing with a glass of red, soon slipping into our little cocoon bed listening to the wind and the hail on the metal roof, the feeling was wonderful, like ~ "rock a bye baby in the tree top when the wind blows the cradle will rock", and rock we did the whole night! Next day was so cold, we layered up before venturing along the clifftop, talk about wild sea horses, those raging waves matched the angry skies, and I was lapping it all up. The Ab...

I'm swooning over the sun, her magical performances, the finale of twenty twelve.......... a year when the sun made few appearances here......... when great swathes of grey dominated, more rain than not......... still the rain made for strong growth, everything doubled in size......... my little seeds of courage, faith, hope & trust all flourished, matured and bore fruit this year, that's why my moments in the sun are all the more sweeter, they maybe snatched away tomorrow but for now I'm savouring each one! Linking with Haiku my Heart Recuerda mi Corazon

A sense of place, you know what I mean? You can't quite put your finger on it but it feels right like you belong, something connects deep within saying 'home'. We've been coming back to this old sailor's pub 'The Last Inn' for a few years now, we want it to be our local, but we have to wait........... We have to wait for tides to turn, for sands to settle, to reveal new contours of possibility. At first the waiting room seemed small, cramped and dark,  a place I did not want to be, yet the longer I sat there in that space,  the more I became aware of light filtering through.   After adjusting my eyes I could see that light  was illuminating voids where hopelessness had once lain,   shining down and revealing  Hope .  It was as if the light had been waiting all along  for the mind's barriers to be dismantled, now with most of it's notions of darkness dispelled  expansion co...

I'm going walk-about again, thought I would leave you with something that stirs my soul, be sure to click. If you have not experienced it before enjoy! If you have, then enjoy again! Bye bye for now :~) xxx PS Please leave me a sign if you've been here and enjoyed! PPS Before I go I must add this, if you have not seen this video, it is amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing  I don't usually rave, but for this one I make an exception! X

It has been over a year since I collaged a dream or vision board, something I have been meaning to do every full-moon  along with Jamie Ridler and the other dreamers. Yesterday was a busy one, Dougal Dog is now in the animal hospital, they are watching him closely for fear the ulcer starts to melt, this could be disastrous.  I had intended to post my intuitive vision board last night  but sleep won over! To those not familiar with my practice, the process is totally intuitive: I had no fresh collage materials in the house, (the images need to be fresh to your eyes for the purpose of intuiting!)  I bought a weekend newspaper, the type that have several coloured sections, travel, beauty, home etc. I flip through the pages and whatever speaks I pull out, some images, some words, some I cut, some I rip. I clear a space on the table with my board in the centre, any board will do this one is j...

I'm thirsting for love, light and possibility, all in that order. I am a glass half full kind of person, but I dream of possibility. I have more than my share of love and light, however I dream of being more at peace with myself, knowing that possibility is within arms reach. “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” Henry David Thoreau Linking with Haiku my Heart Recuerda mi Corazon

This is 'My Book of Belief', that is what I called it, an altered book that I constructed a number of years ago. I made it as part of my therapy, an alphabet of positive affirmations. I love this book, I love how the light shines on the foiled strips, on the sparkly bits and the ribbons.  Of late the strips have become unstuck, they're dropping off. I did intend to re-glue them, but then I started to notice something, a new attraction to the way the book looked.  I started to see the book in a different light, I saw an added dimension, a different element of beauty that the passing of time had bestowed. My attitude and outlook has changed since I assembled these pages too, although the book is filled with positive affirmations, intentions and rosy thoughts, I have somewhat revised my opinion of 'positive outlooks'. The 'Law of Attraction' for example, this was something I used to enthuse about around the sa...

Our boy Dougal Dog has had three operations on his one eye this past week! Poor boy we feel so sorry for him, we have to apply drops five times a day too! Somehow he managed to rub the first stitches loose despite this huge collar! A different vet applied new stitches under sedation, they pulled through the third eyelid this time despite our vigilant watch! Could have been a faulty technique so they haven't charged for the third op. Yesterday he had more surgery, we now take it in turn for Dougal Duty, we have to be aware of his every move, a moment ago I turned my back for one second and he somehow got his back paw inside this cone, I feel sick every-time I check his eye in-case it happens again, my nerves are raw! We are also on flood watch here, we had the furniture off of the floor last night on the table top, we spent the whole evening checking the stream levels. My girl continues to make progress with her own health issues but because we are all here confi...

Together we can travel to the stars and back, we are soul-sisters. This week has been one full of emotion for me, but I have come to appreciate even more the sparkles in my life. My online sisters and the occasional brother, are you reading me Joe! ;~) & My yoga mat mates, & My fleshly sister, we are quite a few years apart age wise, when I was growing up she was already married. Dallas, (isn't that a super name?) lived overseas for about twenty years  so when she returned to the UK we had to get to know each other all over again! Next week we are going to a posh hotel dinner & dance, today I'm on my way over to hers,  we are going to talk ~ shoes'n'frocks this is the nickname my love gave me when I was a slip of a lass, my proper name being Susan Fox. Linking with Haiku my Heart . Recuerda mi Corazon

Time hung so heavy the day before, I was so very anxious at the vet's appointment, I think I had anticipated the worst, "yes the ulcer is deeper, I think we need to move to the next option now". This morning we got up early for the op, we left our dear Dougal in the consultation room, his claws tried to grip the floor in a get-away as the nice lady vet coaxed him to stay. We both retreated through the door in silence. The traffic lights were on green, I had to nudge her, "we should go" I said, both teary eyed. We'd been in this place before when he was a pup, they sewed his inner eyelids together to save his sight, it was a success then but no guarantees this time! Why do I get so emotional? Is it because this boy owns a piece of both our hearts? Sharing the ups and downs the traumas my girl and I have been through this past five years! I'm not sure why we are so bound together, but my heart is in my hand over this little chap an...

I've taken down that old wallpaper I'm lightening-up this house paring-down simplifying making space for expansion ~> My abstract thoughts skimmed the waters of time, landing in the pool of purpose, sinking to depths of deep emotion, settling like solitary flint stones in a heap of silence. Waiting, waiting for the water's bathing, the caressing, the calming and the lightening. After the waiting they came, surfacing upwards and outwards, rippling in ever increasing circles, rising, one beautiful thought giving birth to another until they all merged into the oneness of Self at water's edge, a place called paradise. Tonight at 9pm we'll be settling down to: Apple pie & cream +  New season's  'Downton Abbey'  Yummy :~) Linking with Postcards from Paradise Recuerda mi Corazon