The Green Light...

The new camera I bought before my love died almost a year ago now still lies in it's box, used only a couple of times! My old faithful light catcher, bound by an elastic band to keep the batteries from falling out is the one I cling to for ease and comfort of the familiar, even though I know she is an aging lady like me, not quite as sharp and perhaps not as bedazzling as her modern counterparts. Having said that she continues to amaze me with her images...

I'm clinging to the familiar, it's like I'm waiting for the lights to change for a shift from the static to pick up from where I left off before my love died, waiting for the signal, the green light to release me from this stuckness to move forward, maybe for a speedy get-away! I've had this kind of paralysis over the last few months, I thought the grieving for my love would be melting away by now, that I would be emerging with renewed vigour with the promise of spring, but no I'm trapped for the time being.  However, some of this state hinges on things that are beyond my control to change, things like finding out if my home is going to be purchased by the government due to the fact they are proposing to place their high speed train track opposite my front door...

Though I have felt stuck and bowed low I have not given way to feelings of hopelessness, even with a daily amount of anxiety added like today for example my dog is in for a biopsy and the rat catcher has just left the house after dealing with the 'uninvited' up in the roof space!!  This time of laying low has had me burrowing down into warm fertile soil, feeling the soft comfort of soul-mates and finding nourishment in the form of wise words... I continue to sift and sort, weighing what lines up with my core, what resonates...

When the lights change I will be ready!