Skip to main content

Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 1


I'm in the process of investigating grief.   Prior to my love's departure from this life I believed I had come far with my personal growth and spiritual journey. Along the way I have encountered a number of "dark nights of the soul", surviving these experiences has fueled the desire to keep my head above water now at this the darkest night so far! I want to test if the former lessons hold true for this period and what adjustments can be made.



Up until a few weeks ago and all through the painful experience of finding out the dreadful news that my love had only weeks to live and subsequently witnessing his decline in the most harrowing manner I stayed amazingly strong! I put this down to just two things I prayed for 'strength & wisdom', strength to see me through and wisdom to know how to deal with the days and what to do. I feel I had both, although each day was a challenge my spirit didn't dip that low to bowl me over. I knew I had to keep going for him, myself and family.


This sense of 'keeping it together' carried on for a while after the funeral, I was constantly reminded of this by family and friends who said how amazingly strong I was. These days I have to admit I feel challenged somewhat coping with my grief along with facing problems associated with being single on reduced finances and dealing with the practicalities of living alone in a property needing high physical and financial maintenance, my husband was like a park-keeper and I have been feeling rightly or wrongly the need to fill that role for him...

So I have decided to document my grieving course in the form of an on-line diary here in this space for these reasons to ~
  • allow myself a place where I can empty out my sometimes random thoughts onto the page, not only will this be therapeutic but also help me make some-kind of sense to it all.
  • hold a record of this story for myself that I may know where I have come from and where I am in the present moment and where this is leading, kind of charting my course. 
  • come up with conclusions that work for me and that might be useful for others who find themselves in similar situations.

In theory I would like to post daily but in reality the entries will be random for I do not want to put any pressure on myself at this time knowing I must be 'kind and gentle with myself' in my vulnerability. I intend to keep my love of photography alive through this period as I already know this is 'medicine' for me, I will be posting images as usual but trying to explain more on how this practice really does help!

Image I have always loved abstract art, the above and opposite images fit that category. The original was a macro photo I had taken of a candle holder in bright sunlight. Using some of the edits from Google Picasa I transformed the image into a piece of art.  I think this works well as an abstract because of the strong graphic elements in the original adding interest to the abstract. Metaphorically speaking it fits in with how I am feeling too! The dark horizontal lines at the bottom resemble a dusty road strewn along a rocky landscape with a mountainous backdrop, where I feel I am presently! But, with hope hovering above as depicted by the coloured graphic wings! You can always interpret your abstract art and see something intuitive and meaningful for yourself, this is therapy, a good way to spend time when your life is asking all kinds of questions!

Comments

Patricia Turner said…
Grief is a journey and I'm so glad your photography is helping you to move along the path.
Beautiful post Sue... I support you in this journey of discovery as you consciously ride this wave of life that has come upon you. Will be "watching from the wings", so-to-speak. I love your abstract art photography. Incredible imagery. I can see why it would be therapeutic. It was therapeutic for me just looking at it and seeing what I could see. What I saw in your top image is like a rock strewn path into a forest. The dark area moving from the bottom up toward the right. And on the top right of that image I see what looks like an "edge" of some kind, and what looks like a woman peering over the edge to the scene below. Incredible... Heart Hugs...

Popular posts from this blog

Hello

A friendly street light
illuminates the dark path
as does bright hellos!




Just dropping in dears to say hello to all at Haiku my Heart, everyone in the haiku home, to say you are never far away from my thoughts those of you in the circle of friends in the birthplace of my ongoing love for small words with large meaning.
Have a lovely weekend... love from foxysue

Recuerda mi Corazon

The thinnest of threads

Stepping out Sunday
though nation is mourning, we
put best foot forward...




Today before posting my daily haiku on Instagram I was shocked to learn of yet another terror attack in the capital city London, 7 slaughtered and 48 injured, this only days after the Manchester killings. At the very moment I was viewing this on-line a pigeon, in flight, slammed into my window causing me to feel a sudden fear, heightening the fear- feeling for those innocent people... Later the prime-minister Theresa May declared on a news bulletin that "enough is enough" and that new measures must be taken to counter this....  As she counted out four ways these measures must take place I was feeling a sense of frustration that no doubt countless millions of others must feel in the face of these senseless acts of violence. I was thinking what can I as one person do? 
My small act of posting one image on Instagram with the above haiku seemed so insignificant and I felt the message of "stepping out r…

Navigating Home

Well here I am again!  Wonder of wonders that I am even showing up at all in this little blog wilderness having uprooted my faithful old friend Finding my Bliss by way of messing up the template!  The one who safely sailed me through Bloglandia for all of those years was interfered with in an abrupt manner (see previous post).   I know it may sound silly but I feel like I am grieving for what was my sanctuary and residence, I am feeling kind of lost with nothing familiar to cling to, but alas I do have one place that is very much like home and so there I will share a little haiku with my friends...
By way of haiku navigate a place called home the 'heart' gathering...
On the subject of home and the insecurity of having no solid ground to tread on, that's where I am finding myself at present as I'm in the throws of purchasing a new home and going through a very sticky patch with the legalities of it all.  It's going at a snail's pace and I'm getting frustrated …