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Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 3

Grief Processing
I have a brand new camera, I got it before my love took ill.  I have only used it twice, it was easier to get my old beloved camera out whilst studying technicalities for the switch over.  Then life got in the way and here I am still using my old familiar trusted friend even though the battery casing is broke and held together with an elastic band!


My daughter said I "just have to plough through the days" and this is exactly how it is each day, same, same, I seem stuck in the repeated pattern of grief, I so want to move on from this experience for I feel bogged down.  My house is on the open market without a stir, I keep mowing the grass, keeping up appearances, hoping someone will fall in love with the place as we both did 15 years ago... But then I don't really know where it is I want to go, except for the calling ocean but I just know I need to be away from this, these days, this life.... I want to start again a new life, a new camera, new experiences...


I know grieving is a process, and like any other process, it takes time and I must be patient for it to have its outworking,  however, I know that I am nearing the end of this chapter ready to turn the page, to fly away. In the meantime I am still finding images to play with, to see what becomes, evolves.... 


Comments

Norma Ruttan said…
You are right; grieving is a process. I think I drifted through six months or more in a blur. Sometimes I would scream out my frustration. I couldn't even organize my thoughts enough to pray, asking for help. Getting through all the paper work, credit cards, etc. was accomplished through the guidance of my middle son who is a whiz at all that deadly mountain. I hope you have a support system close at hand.
I so understand wanting to stay with what is familiar during stressful times. It's comforting. I love the phrase: "then life got in the way." I have experienced this so many times as well - life taking me in directions I'd rather not go - leaving me "ploughing through the days." Sometimes it feels like stepping through molasses. All I can say is just keep going... Everything changes. The page will turn, this chapter will end, life will go on... It won't look the same as it did, and it will take you in new directions... Big hugs :) I will email you later...

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