Skip to main content

Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 1


I'm in the process of investigating grief.   Prior to my love's departure from this life I believed I had come far with my personal growth and spiritual journey. Along the way I have encountered a number of "dark nights of the soul", surviving these experiences has fueled the desire to keep my head above water now at this the darkest night so far! I want to test if the former lessons hold true for this period and what adjustments can be made.



Up until a few weeks ago and all through the painful experience of finding out the dreadful news that my love had only weeks to live and subsequently witnessing his decline in the most harrowing manner I stayed amazingly strong! I put this down to just two things I prayed for 'strength & wisdom', strength to see me through and wisdom to know how to deal with the days and what to do. I feel I had both, although each day was a challenge my spirit didn't dip that low to bowl me over. I knew I had to keep going for him, myself and family.


This sense of 'keeping it together' carried on for a while after the funeral, I was constantly reminded of this by family and friends who said how amazingly strong I was. These days I have to admit I feel challenged somewhat coping with my grief along with facing problems associated with being single on reduced finances and dealing with the practicalities of living alone in a property needing high physical and financial maintenance, my husband was like a park-keeper and I have been feeling rightly or wrongly the need to fill that role for him...

So I have decided to document my grieving course in the form of an on-line diary here in this space for these reasons to ~
  • allow myself a place where I can empty out my sometimes random thoughts onto the page, not only will this be therapeutic but also help me make some-kind of sense to it all.
  • hold a record of this story for myself that I may know where I have come from and where I am in the present moment and where this is leading, kind of charting my course. 
  • come up with conclusions that work for me and that might be useful for others who find themselves in similar situations.

In theory I would like to post daily but in reality the entries will be random for I do not want to put any pressure on myself at this time knowing I must be 'kind and gentle with myself' in my vulnerability. I intend to keep my love of photography alive through this period as I already know this is 'medicine' for me, I will be posting images as usual but trying to explain more on how this practice really does help!

Image I have always loved abstract art, the above and opposite images fit that category. The original was a macro photo I had taken of a candle holder in bright sunlight. Using some of the edits from Google Picasa I transformed the image into a piece of art.  I think this works well as an abstract because of the strong graphic elements in the original adding interest to the abstract. Metaphorically speaking it fits in with how I am feeling too! The dark horizontal lines at the bottom resemble a dusty road strewn along a rocky landscape with a mountainous backdrop, where I feel I am presently! But, with hope hovering above as depicted by the coloured graphic wings! You can always interpret your abstract art and see something intuitive and meaningful for yourself, this is therapy, a good way to spend time when your life is asking all kinds of questions!

Comments

Patricia Turner said…
Grief is a journey and I'm so glad your photography is helping you to move along the path.
Beautiful post Sue... I support you in this journey of discovery as you consciously ride this wave of life that has come upon you. Will be "watching from the wings", so-to-speak. I love your abstract art photography. Incredible imagery. I can see why it would be therapeutic. It was therapeutic for me just looking at it and seeing what I could see. What I saw in your top image is like a rock strewn path into a forest. The dark area moving from the bottom up toward the right. And on the top right of that image I see what looks like an "edge" of some kind, and what looks like a woman peering over the edge to the scene below. Incredible... Heart Hugs...

Popular posts from this blog

A Winged Haiku

Winged things on my mind
bringing messages of peace
but mostly of TRUST




#Artistsforloveis an on-line movement where the overriding principle is one of love and belonging to which I am happy to add my name....   Also linking with Haiku my Heart ~ the Home of inclusion.Recuerda mi Corazon

Norwegian Dreamscape Expanded

Meditation Morn
My Dreamscape Meanderings
Heavenly pass~time 


I rose early the first morning at dawn, although I'm not sure if it was dawn really as Norway is after all the land of the midnight sun!  Anyway it was an exceptional time to experience the fjords we were told so I crept out of the cabin, being careful not to disturb my sleeping partner and up onto the open deck.   I was the first to appear, only the staff were out arranging the loungers. What a wonderful feeling almost alone on this massive liner feeling totally in awe of both my traveling home and the deep fjord waters we were slipping silently through.

I climbed up the stairs to the highest deck and stood in absolute amazement at the sheer beauty of this place, I thought I could hear some kind of faint mysterious musical notes, to this day I'm still not sure whether this was my imagination going into overdrive at the whole mystical experience or a distant melody carrying through on the air.....

Later after breakfas…

Shadow Land & Spontaneity

Usually in photography I practice the concept of noticing the moments and what arises and arrives spontaneously as opposed to a staging experience i.e. purposefully choosing a subject to capture. Picking up the camera when something hits my radar of perception is second nature and this in turn mostly leads to the pleasurable treasures of intuitive photography.  Recently due to the exceptional brilliance of the autumn sun through my windows there have been lots of opportunities to capture the clarity of shadows or their subtlety for that matter! Shadow photography is a favourite form of imaging for me.  However, I wanted to make the shots a little more defined for added interest so this lead me to try manufacturing the outcome, or in other words staging!  This doesn't come naturally to me during a photography experience for it touches on the subject of control, taking me out of the comfort zone of going with a meditative flow and into the area of thinking or a cognitive interrupti…