Finding my Bliss

Thursday, 25 August 2016

Pondering ~ 'Meant to Be'

Messy, LIFE IS MESSY I thought pondering back over the events of the weekend when my 4 year old granddaughter's disapproving face said it all as she looked on at her new brother's first 'messy' nappy! I laughed at her innocence but got to thinking why do we find it so hard to accept the messy-ness of life? Why is our natural inclination set to the default of wanting everything to be just so? I will admit to having the perfectionist, idealist gene but I'm wondering if it is a genetic inheritance or something learned from childhood, social conditioning etc?
 When I moved into my current home I felt this place was 'meant to be' although I knew it was only to be a temporary home as my real dream lay by the coast somewhere but for the time being things were as good as they could be for I had everything I needed here in this my sanctuary.  I felt really secure and peaceful in this tiny flat perched in a treetop canopy, I could take as long as I needed to morn the loss of my love I thought noticing the turning leaves in the picture perfect view from my window. The branches of the trees formed a circular opening in the canopy with a glimpse of distant hills peeping through and making it complete I could see two birds perched on the branch... As the leaves gradually fell last autumn I felt safe gazing through my window with the pigeons cooing most mornings adding to the tranquility and comfort. I was as content as could be as the days proceeded, 'could be' being the operative words as in truth there were times when I just wanted to step off of this planet living half a life without my love, but somehow the sanctuary and the cooing birds soothed. The pigeons were always there in the background with their constant chattering undertone, even on the coldest days walking my boy they were never far away giving me a sense of calm and 'everything is alright' feeling...   
The year has rolled round and I'm making plans to move from my sanctuary as it is only rented and I want somewhere of my own that I can put my interior stamp on but I haven't found anything yet that fits the bill by the coast, nothing has turned up!  Do I take it that the coast is 'not meant to be'?  Yesterday started out like most other mornings that of trawling the on-line housing market looking for the 'right one'  this being about the three hundredth day in a row with no pleasing results but then I had a sudden jolt, a shock that threw me right away from my preoccupation.  I heard this loud thud coming from the other room, immediately I knew something had collided with my window, something large from the sound of it!  I made my way to the room and catching sight of the window I could see clearly the imprint of a bird's wing, I hardly dare look down to the ground but when I did, there laying on the grass was a pigeon barely moving, I could hardly look, my mind was in turmoil, I left the room hoping the bird would just be stunned, they sometimes are but on my return no, he was still there, laying there as still as could be looking so beautiful with the perfect patterned markings of his tail feathers. I had the 'how could this be' feeling return with my mind in chaotic confusion!  There my symbol of everything that had brought me peace, tranquility, calmness and comfort was laying dead on the grass!  I felt the blow as though it had been struck personally against my own soul and familiar déjà vu feelings began to rise.  It was just like when the small robin met his same fate in the days following the death of my love, when I blamed God/Source/Universe for the loss of the bird which in reality was the death of my partner. ~ Grief Story
 So how am I to take this loss again? As a real personal loss to myself? Or have I learned something from life's experience?  Have I outgrown and left behind the notion of what life is 'meant to be', to be a certain way to fit in with my perfectionist/idealist view?  When I looked at the circular hole in the tree canopy this year it was not quite so roundly perfect, some stems had grown inwards encroaching on the the shape of the circle, the perfectionist in me wanted to snip off those stems to make the hole whole again keeping the symbol of life's cycle perpetually perfect.  But while laying in my bed imagining I could do that I got to thinking that the cycle of life is really not like that at all, this view is just one of my own construct. The cycle of life is actually quite 'messy' chaotically messy at times and even abruptly shocking too but as for 'meant to be' well there are many question marks for me surrounding this popularly used little phrase but what I can't deny is that when you look back at all of the messy and sometimes shockingly abrupt events in life, sometimes out of the blue something comes along that feels like it was 'meant to be' but the question remains meant to be by whom? 
Post Script ~ the image shows all the tiny detail of the bird's wing imprint as it collided with the window this is another example of the wonder of photography and the ability to capture the miraculous! 

Friday, 29 July 2016

Norwegian Dreamscape Expanded

Meditation Morn
My Dreamscape Meanderings
Heavenly pass~time 

I rose early the first morning at dawn, although I'm not sure if it was dawn really as Norway is after all the land of the midnight sun!  Anyway it was an exceptional time to experience the fjords we were told so I crept out of the cabin, being careful not to disturb my sleeping partner and up onto the open deck.   I was the first to appear, only the staff were out arranging the loungers. What a wonderful feeling almost alone on this massive liner feeling totally in awe of both my traveling home and the deep fjord waters we were slipping silently through.

I climbed up the stairs to the highest deck and stood in absolute amazement at the sheer beauty of this place, I thought I could hear some kind of faint mysterious musical notes, to this day I'm still not sure whether this was my imagination going into overdrive at the whole mystical experience or a distant melody carrying through on the air.....

Later after breakfast not having come down from the most surreal morning I sat quietly by the window basking in the reflections of sea birds floating alongside our starboard view.

It was the strangest of feelings but at the same time it felt very intimate in this watery dreamscape. Like the birds and I along with the slowly moving and changing scenery were all at one, blending and merging so naturally. I felt as though I had undergone a kind of deep spiritual bonding with my environment, something was lastingly imprinted onto my mind, heart and being, I am forever changed.

As you will notice most of the above images are artistic reflection impressions of my time on the fjords. This dreamlike landscape that I found myself merging into I have called my dreamscape. I have hundreds of beautiful accurate representations of the landscape, too many to display here but for me the experience lives on so vividly when I spend time with my passion of creatively pushing the boat out so to speak, meditating on these images, intuitively exploring how I can express further my innermost thoughts and feelings through both words and image.
Little did I know way back when I first picked up my camera taking holiday snap shots where this would all lead, what rich depths of discovery were in store for me! How my life story could be told passionately through the lens, enabling such awareness and gratitude for life.
BTW ~  I did not use my big camera on this trip, I used a small compact and sometimes my smart phone. I did not want to be encumbered with the weight and I wanted to keep my awareness free from disruption by technicalities, I shoot in automatic ~ always!

Linking with Rebecca and the Circle of friends at ~
Haiku my Heart

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Norwegian Dreamscape

Hello Petals,

I'm back from the most beautiful of experiences ever....

As a child I sat spell bound in my classroom listening to the teacher's description of far-away places where  rivers flowed through mountain passes by means of some strange sounding water-way ~  the fjords,

I visited the land of my dreams ~

Norwegian Dreamscape ~

Dawn has me breathless,
awed and silenced, standing in reverence 
I slip seamlessly through

Slipping seamlessly through 

this watery dreamscape
where bliss moments rise and merge with the blue

Bliss moments merging into timeless reflections

in this beautiful dreamscape  I'm suspended, I stare,
I see seven sisters falling over rocky hard places
rushing cascading then vanish in mid ~ air

All bow in respect for the vanishing ladies,

the rocky hard places, 
the Divine hand that hewed
this beautiful dreamscape where 
my spirit is floating like some 
slow motion movie I glide silently though

Like the disappearing ladies after cascading and falling

I turn from these moments as they vanish from view
yet their spirits go on surging forever returning
stirring my memory with each day anew...

I dedicate this poem and post to my lovely friends Cynthia & Dennis Taylor who made this all possible, a dream come true.

Reference ~  Seven Sisters Waterfall

Stay tuned for more images of my Norwegian Dreamscape and the extraordinary way I was totally immersed into the experience!

Post Script ~ I noticed today Friday 29th that this post is my 600th ~ I knew it was special!!