Finding my Bliss

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 5

Abstract ~ Slipping Away

I just realized it is ten days since I posted,
I don't like this thought of life galloping away from me whilst feeling time-warped!
I was counting the days since my love passed, it came to a hundred and nineteen but seems
like only yesterday compared to the few score days he was ill, this felt like an eternity of suffering.

I have this photo of him taken not long before he passed,
you can see he is really sick but he has the most beautiful expression on his face.
I talk to it often and kiss it, or should I say 'I talk to him often' for I swear he is still breathing, I can feel him...

This is what scares me the most, the slipping away of him,
some days I try to visualize him, each of his body parts, they are clear,
right down to the little brown spot under his foot.
The hardest thing is remembering his voice, the tone, if only I had recorded it.
He would always sing first thing of a morning when his voice was more gravelly I do remember that...

I'm okay in the home we built together for it was always my ideas he made material, so when I see the stonework or the floor we laid together these are warm thoughts but it is different in the garage, his domain, everything is of him, nothing of me.

I am dismantling his domain now for I have to move soon, this is so hard I feel like I am dismantling him...


Sandra said...

Wherever you go, he will be with you. You do not need to fear, he's only a loving thought away.

foxysue said...

Thank you Sandra, it is comforting to know that.

Patricia Turner said...

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
You may know this poem but it has always meant a lot to me when I've lost a loved one.

I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

I wish you many blessings no matter where your journey takes you now.

foxysue said...

Thank you Patricia, for this reminder, I am blessed for sure in the company of kind souls.

Mystic Meandering said...

Very poignant Sue! Here is a quote you might like as well, from a bookmark I have. It reads:

All life moves in cycles...
What has been must often come apart
Before what is to be
Can come together.

Remember to honor
your courage
In the midst of the
Coming apart times!

I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to "dismantle" everything so soon after Joe's death. You not only grieve the death of your love, but now the house that you built and shared, and the memories that it contains as you "dismantle" it. Indeed a grieving time! May you find courage in the midst of these "coming apart times."! Much love...