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Showing posts from August, 2014

Coming up for Breath

I am taking a little detour off of the 'Grief Path' story for the time being,
for I am feeling entrenched and bogged down by the detail and not lifted!
I will be back chipping in now and again with my progress on this difficult road
but, my aspirations for telling the whole story might have to be weaved into the everyday,
for I do not want to drown in my own grief story...







Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 4

Orb Hunting a Lovely Distraction ...
Grieving is the hardest day's work I have ever done, and for sure grief is work for it has a purpose an outworking! I am learning all the time, like you cannot move on from grief it is something you have to go through! You might have already detected my feeling a need to move on from the previous post, but I have realised there is no sidestepping grief, this is not an option.  Grief is attached to the thing or person loved and lost, the bigger the attachment the deeper the grief! Like the saying "grief is the price you pay for loving".  I said at the beginning I wanted to document my experience here in the darkest place I've been so far and to be honest with myself and readers. So this is no place for flowery speech or for setting grief in the middle of a rose garden, much of this is raw stuff! Having said that hope does orbit around me and sitting in a rose garden would certainly help too! 
I am no stranger to depression, I have…

Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 3

Grief Processing I have a brand new camera, I got it before my love took ill.  I have only used it twice, it was easier to get my old beloved camera out whilst studying technicalities for the switch over.  Then life got in the way and here I am still using my old familiar trusted friend even though the battery casing is broke and held together with an elastic band!

My daughter said I "just have to plough through the days" and this is exactly how it is each day, same, same, I seem stuck in the repeated pattern of grief, I so want to move on from this experience for I feel bogged down.  My house is on the open market without a stir, I keep mowing the grass, keeping up appearances, hoping someone will fall in love with the place as we both did 15 years ago... But then I don't really know where it is I want to go, except for the calling ocean but I just know I need to be away from this, these days, this life.... I want to start again a new life, a new camera, new experiences…

Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 2

Of Friends & Angels


Well here I am trying to relate my grief story! Grief is such a difficult animal to get a hold on, only a few weeks back I was thinking "I'm doing okay, no need for any counselling" then bam I was knocked to the ground, could not stop crying and the wave of confusion hit me like never before!  I felt as I had read somewhere that I was going crazy, this was really frightening. I had to visit the doctor.  I also had to eat my own words, the ones I had even written about here, so this is a hard lesson to learn ~ I am not of a superhuman species despite my endeavors in personal growth but just like nearly everyone I need help!  I have reached out and will be getting professional support shortly.


In the meantime I am giving a shout of cheer to all the lovely people who have helped me so far, starting with my friend Christine of Mystic Meandering who has been there for me all along, through all of the painful days supporting me. Christine often reflects…

Grief Story on the Hoof ~ Entry 1

I'm in the process of investigating grief.   Prior to my love's departure from this life I believed I had come far with my personal growth and spiritual journey. Along the way I have encountered a number of "dark nights of the soul", surviving these experiences has fueled the desire to keep my head above water now at this the darkest night so far! I want to test if the former lessons hold true for this period and what adjustments can be made.



Up until a few weeks ago and all through the painful experience of finding out the dreadful news that my love had only weeks to live and subsequently witnessing his decline in the most harrowing manner I stayed amazingly strong! I put this down to just two things I prayed for 'strength & wisdom', strength to see me through and wisdom to know how to deal with the days and what to do. I feel I had both, although each day was a challenge my spirit didn't dip that low to bowl me over. I knew I had to keep going fo…

Somewhere

When grief hits hard, those moments when you dip and sink,
the best thing is to just Be, wait until something calls to you

  from somewhere between shadow and light

just one little shaft playing somewhere may induce you

to grab hold of its tail and cling real tight


for there you might just find a glimmer of hope your heart's delight..

Healing Reflections along the Grief Path

I prayed, yes I still pray this is what I do, part of who I am, my connecting with source. I prayed for just two things when my love became seriously ill, I prayed for strength to see me through and wisdom to know how to tread along the 'Dark Passage'. My father worked in dark passages for most of his adult life as a coal miner, religion was not high on Dad's agenda but the simple and humble acknowledgement of his maker was what I learned from him, coupled with my own inherent leanings towards spirituality through a love of creation I was destined from an early age to be a seeker...
I think I would have been about eight or nine at the time when Dad came home from the mine unsettled by having lost his watch somewhere that day, I heard him tell Mum whilst she was preparing dinner. I remember turning to prayer and asking for God's help on the matter in my childish way then leaving it with him for food was about to be served.  Later on that evening I overheard a convers…